You never knew
How good you had it
How one person could
give so much of herself
she nearly lost herself

How she wished
she could take your pain
Nursed you
Fed you
Worried about you

Who was worrying about her?

If you can't even realize
tht you lost yourself a
Damn Good Woman

I guess you never deserved her
in the first Damn place

Hey There!
I missed you
Did I forget about you
When we were playing
Hide & Go Seek

I missed you
Confidence

I missed you
Determination

I missed you
Independence

I missed me

Black Mother
Black Mother
Have you no shame
Birthing Statistics
with no names

Under the Mask of Humility

Forgive me
Because I prefer my hair nappy

Forgive me
for offending you with my confident existence

Forgive me
because I prefer my berries darker and my juice even sweeter

Forgive me
for being "cute for a Black gril"

Forgive me
for my attitude because I refuse to listen to your "truths"

Forgive me...
because I forgave myself

It's been awhile huh? So I just got out of a relationship and now I'm trying to get back to me. So excuse me while I use poetry to reflect and heal.

Someone once said that "It's the journey, not the destination" and what an amazing journey it has been in Seoul. Although I have been back in the States for over 2 weeks, I've been able to reflect over my time in Seoul and how it has changed my perspective forever.

As a young Black woman from Iowa, I felt it was even more of an interesting time going through culture shock and changed perspectives yet came out ahead. It was fascinating to see Korea go through cultural pride yet simultaneously see their foreign disdain and reverence unfold before me. There are a lot of dynamics that I find fascinating in Korea and I find myself wanting to go back and explore them further.

That is why I am enrolling in Korean Language classes at my University either this semester or spring semester. I love the language and I feel that learning it would be one of the biggest forms of gratitude I can convey to all the UOS buddies who strived to make our trip pleasant in English. I would like to return that kindness by learning Korean.

I am also planning on going back to Korea to study abroad for a semester hopefully my junior year because I left way too much unexplored and was changed and enriched by too many people. Talking to my engineering advisor, my University's College of Engineering apparently has a lot of Korean alumni and she said if I ever wanted to get in contact with them she'd be thrilled to help me out (Korean engineering internship or research possibilities maybe?!)

I also feel there is an underlying Black and Korean movement that I can't really explain but can feel the effects. With the appreciation of Black music and aspects of Black culture (many Korean men I had met knew the black handshake unsurprsingly), I feel there is much more to discover there as a Black woman and I am ready to go back.

Also, I miss many people there including my friend Jaeyong. He's too adorable to be left alone. He got really excited because apparently there is a Black woman who just arrived at the University of Seoul and he said she reminded him of me. I demanded that he go out of his way to make sure she feels welcomed on that campus because I know she's probably feeling a little isolated.

Korea was a life-changing experience that will remain with me for a lifetime and I am so grateful that I was blessed to be able to experience it all. Above all though, it is the people I will never forget. I've been changed for the better and will cherish these memories for a lifetime. Thank you all for your support.

Alright, time for a very shallow post that I'm sure you have all been waiting to hear. So while I was in Seoul, I had been experiencing my first foray into Blasian dating. However, I must say that the 'dates' and custom of dating were both so relaxed that I don't know if I should call them dates but more 'one on one' time with local Korean men.


I had the opportunity to go on two 'dates' with technically 3 different Korean men: "Milo" (Young-Joon) , "Ray" (Jong-Sui), and "Kenny" (Kwang Ho).

Milo I met at the club that was hosting a French exchange student's going away party. He's a magician...well as a hobby. He's entering his final semester as a Computer Science major at the University of Seoul. During my last two weeks, we had coffee at "Angel-in-Us" coffee house and talked for over three hours. He told me about how he broke his arm when he was young, resulting in a huge scar that runs up his forearm over his elbow, preventing him from fully extending it. As a result, he does magic with primarily his right hand.

Instead of the military, he worked in an elementary school pretty much being a tech support guy. And by tech support, I mean plugging in printers and computers when teachers couldn't figure out why they weren't 'working'. That's how he decided on his major although now he really wants to be a producer or director and work in the entertainment industry. He's been hindered by the practicality of such a career so he's focusing on finishing up with Computer Science. I encouraged him to at least try being a director, do what you love. At least he has a degree to fall back on.

He has a lot of dreams of travel and learning languages. He wants to learn English, German, Spanish, and Romanian. I admire his determination. He was very nice and we still talk on Skype but with the shortness of my stay, I knew nothing would extend beyond friends. No magic touch there.

The next date was not at all planned. It was very serendipitous. I actually met Ray at the train station on my way to the Itaewon to get my hair done. I was riding up the escalator listening to my ipod and homedude was in front of me, turned around to glance at me, did a double take, and started talking to me. I took my earbuds out and learned he was also a UOS student. He told me he had seen me around campus and had wanted to talk to me but I had always turned away.

I fixed that for him. I gave him my number because what the hell, I was only going to be there for 3 more days. So we exchanged numbers at the train station and he pointed at which train I should take. While I was getting my hair done, he texted me and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner. Knowing how long it takes to do a Black woman's hair, I told him the best bet would be the next day.

He later asked if he could bring a friend and I agreed. Knowing it would be a pretty chill 'date', I invited my friend, Tabitha and we all went on a 'double date' even though Tabitha already has a boyfriend (I kind of withheld that from her though she figured it out soon but it was so chill that I wouldn't even call it dating).

The ironic thing is that Ray ended up talking to Tabitha and I got to know his friend 'Kenny'.He was really cool and sweet. He chose his 'slave name' Kenny because South Park is his favorite show, which quickly endeared me to him. He and Ray were both Business majors and much older, about 26 and 27 respectively.

I asked what branch of compulsory service they served in. He told me Ray was in the army but he had actually served in Emergency Services as a paramedic. He told me he knows CPR and had performed it on 4 people. 'That's cool' I told him. 'Yeah but 3 of them died,' he said deadpan. I told him I was sorry; can't really say too much after that frank statement.
'It's alright. It wasn't my life,' he assured.
As horrible as that sounds, I admired his morbid frankness. I just made sure not to put myself in a situation where I need his CPR 'expertise'

We ended up having Korean Barbeque at this cozy, modern restaurant with black wallpaper and orange lanterns. Though our clothes ended up smelling like barbecued Korean pork and Tabby was still trying to recover from a hangover from the previous night, we had a blast teaching Ray and Kenny American slang such as 'hella' and 'cray cray'. It was a really fun time.

After treating us to ice cream, we walked back to the UOS campus because Tabby and I both had to study for our finals that Friday. While we were saying our goodbyes, Kenny told me I was gorgeous and I told him he was very handsome. I wanted to keep in touch with him but unfortunately he doesn't have a Facebook or Skype. Fortunately, I still have Ray's cell phone and he's on Skype (though he hasn't been on since I added him), so maybe I'll ask for it.

In summary, the Koreans seemed very open to interracial dating and I thoroughly enjoyed the attention I received from Korean men while I was there. Although it is against custom for Koreans to greet random strangers they do not know, as I was walking I had some young Korean men break custom to say hello to me.

I also have to be objectifying and say I also enjoyed the view: because military or police service is cumpolsory, many of the Korean men are buff and fit which is nice. Also, I am now on the K-pop bandwagon as I was introduced to 2PM, Se7en, and Bi on this blog and abroad, appreciating the sexy that surrounded me.

It's funny because my friend Jaeyong was all happy for me when I said I was going on a date with Milo. He kept saying, "I hope you find a nice Korean boy'
I replied 'Well I have statistics on my side because Koreans are more likely than any other Asian ethnic group to marry Blacks."
Of course he said his favorite catchphrase, "Really?"

Whether it was breaking custom to say hello to me or having a 'moment' with the 7-Eleven clerk, I as a Black woman felt wanted and admired in Seoul. I received more attention there than that bestowed on me by sleazy white American men back in the states.

I never thought I would be attracting the attention of anyone in Seoul nevermind going on 2 dates in one month in a foreign country, so it was a nice surprise. As a Black woman, it was soul- affirming after experiencing all the slight colorism and European preference that you are all aware of in my first Post. To have my beautiful dark skin and beauty as a Black woman validated was enriching and empowering because even before Seoul I had some self-esteem issues.

Through all the ups and downs, I ended up thriving in Seoul, amongst people of color and men of color who were open to my aesthetic. Meeting these amazing men was truly a rewarding experience- offering a great perspective- one of many experiences during my time in Seoul I will never forget.

So I just spent 4 broiling hot days in Beijing and I have to say during my short time there, I had never felt as comfortable in Asia until I went there. Of course being in a country for 4 days is hardly enough time to gauge a comfort level but some of the things I experienced resonated for me as a Black woman

Everywhere we went, Chinese tourists wanted to take our pictures. Wherever my friend Rabiya who is Pakistani-Canadian, an Afro-Caribbean professor, and I went, many Chinese would ask us to take pictures with them with the Great Wall of China, the Temple of Heaven, and the Summer Palace as our backdrop. It got to the point where I think they just go to those sites to find foreigners to take pictures with them.

Yeah potentially kind of creepy and fetishist but after just being silently gawked at in Korea, I found it pretty endearing. They were fascinated by us brown skinned foreigners and would approach us hesitantly, welcoming us to Beijing and wondering if we could take a picture with them.

While I was at the Great Wall, Rabiya and I were resting halfway up with some Kenyan girls who had been in Beijing for 3 weeks in a bridge building competition and there was this little Chinese girl who was really shy and said, "Welcome to Beijing. May I have your picture with all of you" You could tell she was fascinated with the Kenyan girls' beautiful dark skin tone and was enthralled when we said yes. I wanted a separate picture with just Rabiya and the Kenyan girls, but invited the same girl back over to get in our picture.

Their faces, especially on the young children's faces, would light up when we agreed. It could have easily gotten weird and uncomfortable except for just how welcoming they were and how it made their world when we indulged them; it was personally the most hospitality as a Black woman I've felt during my time just among the people in Asia.

The 2nd thing that endeared me to China was that their sense of worth and identity was much more solid than that of Korea. Where Korea has ads with nothing but really pale White/European models, the ads in China featured actual people of color. Chinese and Black models were side by side in ads, and I even saw an ad featuring a little black girl with an afro selling a lollipop. The only ads featuring all white models were at department stores featuring foreign brands like gucci and prada (which meant I didn't shop there). It was just so refreshing to see people of color not willing to bow down to western styles of beauty that is gripping Korea.

China is a 5000 year old civilization; they look to no one but themselves for self-realization and power so none of that European fetish crap that Korea is unfortunately going through and it is so refreshing. China knows they are powerful economically, culturally, and militarily so it's basically a huge screw you to White Europeans/Western world and I love it. It was great to be in a country where they are solid in their identity and look to no one but themselves for strength and actualization.

That's not to say that they don't have colorism issues, have huge human rights abuses toward their ethnic minorities, and don't peddle skin bleaching creams but there was a slight balance that didn't automatically lean towards "White is Right" but more "White is alright, but we are a 5000 year old civilization of Brown People who can destroy you at any time". Pretty intriguing.

Interrupting your regularly scheduled program to bring you this important announcement that even in Korea, I still have to deal with stupid racist privileged ass white men ugh.

( Socialism apparently equals giving stuff to lazy brown people )

I know I shouldn't be so surprised that there are many skin bleaching cream but it doesn't make it any less horrifying and disheartening.

( White is Alright )